She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
