I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
