You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
