I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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