I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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