Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Your face is a jimmy john
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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