i may or may not be watching the land before time
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
