I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
cat food counts as protein by the way
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize