I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
me + whiskey = a bad person
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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