2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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