Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
