cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
