Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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