I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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