ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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