these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
