I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
