well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
pray to the hookup gods
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
