I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
