I am full of burrito and curiosity
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
