party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
