I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
why is half of my head shaved?
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