Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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