I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
