u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
