Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
