K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
