Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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