My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
