Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
