i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
