Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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