my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
