windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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