1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
