I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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