my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
