don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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