After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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