So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
