My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
