Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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