God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you never un-have a 4some
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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