Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
