I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
another moral hangover. fuck.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
