put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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