I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She bit a glass in half.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
