shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
