weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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