I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
