do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
