I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
