Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
