So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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