there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
