yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
