margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
