I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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