The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
