hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
