Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
