absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I didn't shave. On purpose
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
PANTIES FOUND
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
