Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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