So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
