YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
where does the pee come out of this thing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
