Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
