I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
