I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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