evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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