We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
