After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
