We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
